Job opening
I'm going to need one of you, my loyal friends, to quit your job and be our full time nanny.
Benefits include:
- hanging out with the cutest baby in all the land.
- playing with lots of fun toys that sing "Row, row, row your boat" and other cool tunes.
- pushing a stroller to the park in my neighborhood that smells like chocolate.
- free wifi access!
- watching Maury on a very large television with surround sound. (it really is the only way to watch Maury, in my opinion)
- occasional licks on the head from our loyal cat, the one and only Black Tarry Stool!
- a great view of the Urban Wildlife Sanctuary in the vacant lot next door (by "Wildlife", I mean rats & dog poo)
- all-u-can-eat Doritos
- some sort of monetary compensation, or maybe we can barter with some spices
I'm afraid we won't be able to offer you medical insurance. We have WebMd, though, and I'm sure we can get you any prescription drugs you might need from the dude that drives the ice cream truck.
All applicants must pass our rigorous interview ("Are you alive", "are you sober?") We're also going to need you to pee in a cup. We're not asking for a drug test; it's for our collection.
Time is of the essence, as school starts in a month and they are expecting me to be there...without the baby. I wish someone had told me that I had to sign up for daycare the day I conceived. I'm pretty sure we're not going to get from #59 on the waiting list to #1 in a month.
This is such a drag.
posted by kroushlconflict at 11:09 AM
6 Comments:
so yeah i didn't know you needed a nanny....this could have been the only thing that could have kept me in Illinois, if you just told me that you wanted to hire me full time! i know being a nanny for my little one wouldn't pay me as much as I am getting here, but i would have been willing to have a pay cut.....oh yeah i would have had to live in your place too so i could get outta my house like i wanted too...geeze, maybe next year i will for sure move back so i can watch my little one all the time i mean as long as you guys move to the suburbs cuz i sure had that expressway to your house in traffic.....i miss you guys....
I specifically mentioned I wanted a sober nanny.
Miss you too, kimmer. Did we mention you'd be free to leave a drink somewhere without fear of someone demanding to know who left it there or whether or not you were going to finish it? Just another perk of the job... (Sorry, non-Kroushls. Family joke.)
oh i'm moving back then if i can leave a drink in your house without someone asking me whose it is or if i was going to finish it...i'll be there even sooner if i can throw away garbage in any trash can i want!!!! yeah also i'll be sober when shes sleeping....just kidding i dont drink on the job!
I'm there.
I'd like to stop being sick constantly due to being around hundreds of sick children.
I'm in. Oh wait. I like health insurance. And a good salary.
Nevermind.
Have you thought about doing the reverse of what was done in Little Man? You could pass the baby off as a high school student, probably on geography test scores alone!
Post a Comment
<< Home